Have you ever struggled in a personal relationship? Whether it be someone close to you like a spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, mother, father, or sibling; a childhood friend, or a colleague you work closely with. Relationships are never easy. In the US, the rate of being “married” or “divorced” is 50/50, meaning it could very likely go one way or the other without your intention or control.
So how do we keep good relationships, and let go of harmful ones? How do we work through those tough, downtimes? How do we let go of painful relationships which are no longer serving us?
Here are a few tips to maintaining a healthy relationship:
1. Sincerely care first, before expecting the other person to care about you.
2. Continuously take action to make the other person feel appreciated, loved, and valued. Please don’t continuously buy gifts or flatter the other person overwhelmingly. Too much is too much. Be sincere and be reasonable.
3. Don't avoid any topic: Speak honestly and openly
4. Surrender to your heart: This can be hard in times of anxiety, worrying about past experiences repeating and trying to prevent future wrongdoings, but no matter how long it takes just let it flow and allow a new outlook and feeling to come to you leading you on a different healing path.
One of the fastest ways to lose your partner, relative or friend is to judge and compare each other superficially. This leads to jealousy, hatred, resentment, and worst of all, miscommunication and ending the relationship.
Don’t judge or compare with your partner:
• Social circle
Breakups happen because there was some ideology in each person’s mind that could not be broken, also called “preconceptions”. Sometimes these mindsets are not changeable, according to each individual’s choices and goals. However, if you care about someone enough, and you want to stay loyal and committed to the original mindset you both started with, then you will need to shift your focus and consciousness onto the real underlying issue.
Ask yourself these 3 questions:
• Am I happy with myself?
• Do I love myself?
• Do I want to heal myself?
If the answer to those questions is an outstanding “YES!”, then it will actually be quite easy for you to surrender your ego (self-centered body needs, emotions, and thoughts/ideas) to truly loving your partner and coming to an agreement on how to move forward, together.
However, if you answer NO to any of these questions then you may need to take the necessary time and space away from your significant other to reflect and heal yourself, in order to change those answers to a YES.
This could mean a break up if those NOs are just too unbearable to face, or it can just mean implementing more “me time”, “alone time”, or “my healing time”. Not just going out partying with friends, but actually taking time to reflect on your life, lifestyle, emotions, traumas, likes and dislikes, judgments about yourself, and so on. How are all those things perceived by your partner? How do they deal with you when you become emotional or stuck in them? How do you communicate with them? All these things will have an impact on the quality of your relationships.
Believe in your ability to find the answers within, and you will. Keep asking.
Trust your innate sense of self and ability to find your True, Absolute value of your existence on this planet. Your purpose and dream is the most dear thing you can hold in your heart. If your partner truly loves you, he/she will support you with any means necessary.
Be grateful that you have a body - no matter how achy or demanding-, a mind and a spirit to guide you in the most challenging of times.
You can change anything using your amazing brain, which controls everything in your life, with time and sincere effort. You can and will make the changes you need to move forward. Love is waiting for you on the other side. Love yourself! Heal yourself! Make yourself happy!
Nicole Wasserman has practiced holistic eastern mind-body-spirit training including yoga, Qigong, Tai Chi, and meditation since 2010. Currently, Nicole is the Marketing Assistant for Sedona Margo Retreat Center in Sedona, AZ.
In addition to her current role, Nicole teaches classes as well as coordinates and leads yoga and meditation retreats, and also does acupressure healing sessions for alleviating pain, stiffness, and various stress conditions. Nicole devotes her time to helping people strengthen their bodies, increase mindfulness and reawaken their innate healing abilities.